Happiness is

Posted: April 4, 2018 in Uncategorized

making my picky toddler eat broccoli..yay! *victory dance*


Dearest baby

Posted: November 10, 2017 in CappuCheenu, Uncategorized
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You are one. The world tells me that you are a toddler and as though you want to reinstate it, you wiggle out of my hands and set out to explore.  I sit back and marvel at you for a moment, only to break into a run to pull out that minuscule  dirt that you have managed to pick and shove into your mouth, in a fraction of a second.

You love watching the clothes rotate in the washing machine. You crawl and cruise all the way to the kitchen to devour this sight. We have been doing laundry and at times, even washing our washed clothes, courtesy you. After every nap,  you wake up craning your neck, with a unmistakable impish grin and a palpable excitement in your eyes. I wish I could bottle that look on your face and cherish it.

You sway and bounce to any music.. Erm well, even noise!! You swayed and did your happy dance to the whizzing sound of my toothbrush.  But sweetheart, I hate to break the news to you but your parents lack grace, and the probability  of you having been blessed with two right feet(Well, mama is much better than Appa) is much higher  unless you have inherited some  long-lost genes  in the family tree.

Your most favorite word seems  to be Appa, and you keep saying it all day, much to my  chagrin. I, certainly have a theory for this. Since Amma responds  immediately to every need of yours, obviously, you don’t find it necessary to call for my attention. Though this theory has been booed down  by everybody, I am sticking to it.

You have been  picking words at  random and amusing us.  So far, we have

Bua – No this doesn’t mean bua (aunt in hindi). In your world, its meaning ranges from “hey, I spotted  something edible” to “I am Hungry. Get me something immediately!”. Sometimes, this is chanted in quick succession when you spot some exotic food which you absolutely cannot have(Ya, I know,  mean mumma).

Hot – Erm, you mean the temperature of food. This is  sometimes pronounced as “hatta”.  You seem to have mastered the Bihari and Tamil slang so perfectly in this word.

Cheech – Cheese, this is.

top – Stop. This isn’t used as  a verb. This is used to describe the state of the washing machine or ceiling fan.

tap – cap

top-top – laptop

Byeee- This  is  accompanied with frantic hand waving and sometimes both hands too.

Pochu – You say this and flip your hands to indicate that someone or something is no longer in your line of sight. Well, this happens only when you are in a good mood. When you are in your i-need-to-throw-a-tantrum-no-matter-what mood, you scream murder.

Every time you topple,  bump or even brush against some innate object, you come to  us  and  point to where you got hurt.  You wait, till we pat you and say million ‘sorrys’  and then you set off . Other day, when you bit my shoulder, I pointed it out to you to  indicate I am hurt. While I was  wondering about the right way to give you a “time-out”,  you proceeded to pat me with those tiny, pudgy palm of yours. Lets just say that all that mighty timeout was flushed down the drain and  your proud-misty-eyed-mamma couldn’t wipe the grin off her face for rest of the day. And of course, couldn’t stop herself from recounting the tale  million times. And for once, she set her elephantine memory aside and conveniently, banished the ‘biting’ incident from her memory.

You are such a picky eater. Until few months back, Appa(yours, not mine) and I used to goof around, screech, sing and make all the funny faces we can to just make you  open your mouth. The moment we sight an opportunity, we used to shovel few pieces  of morsel into that tiny mouth of yours. And before we could even finish  pumping  our fists in air, you would put your hand  inside the  mouth and pull out the food . Well, better sense  finally prevailed (on us and not you!) or shall I just say, one fine day, you decided to be  more independent and  declared that you would pick and eat on  your own.  So now you sit in your high chair, and inspect every morsel of food and fling it either down or into your mouth. But we haven’t given  up yet. While you pick and choose, we cheer you  from the  sides. “Aa vachuko,  aa vachuko”, we chant. Yes, we never learn. Sometimes, after pulling food out, you decide not  to create a mess  on the floor  and shove the morsel into our mouth. You are quite generous that way!

I really, really hope that it is just not a  phase and that you actually are a cleanliness freak. End of the day when your tantrum are about to explode, all you need is just a single wet wipe and you go around wiping the coffee table, mat and all your toys with it. This  is the precise moment when amma needs to be extra vigilant and come up with a brain wave to make the oh-so-dirty  wet wipe disappear in thin air before you proceed  to wipe  your body  with it or even worse, chomp on it, and by any chance, if you caught me in the act a bigger tantrum would follow.

You are all about equality. From the time you started standing up on your own you have  been propping up  your toys, and then you go onto kicking down those carefully laid out toys!  If any of the said toy falls off before you can do the honors, you bawl your eyes out and scream until we set it right for you.

Amma is  still your preferred snacks bar and occasionally, teether too. The only teether, if I may add. Amma has looked all around the internet for answers  and has tried all the tricks but the biting hasn’t stopped. Well, hopefully this is just a phase and you will stop it sooner.

Peek-a-boo is your favorite game. In your own world, you are a superman  who can open and close any door,  lift anything and do everything that we stop you from.  You trot around and peep into the kitchen and scream “Baa” at the top of your lungs, in an attempt to scare your victim, supposedly.  Irrespective  of how we react, you laugh at your own antics.

The way you dissolve  into peels of laughter for no reason makes me want to hold on to this moment a bit longer.  At the end of the day, when you rest your head on my shoulder, in  the crook of my neck and as I sway mumbling a random rhyme or song, I cling on to you, holding you closer.

Well,  baby CappuCheenu, I will never be able to put in words how grateful and thankful I am to have you in my life. You bring out the best in me  and you make me yearn to be a better version of what I am today. Though I may stress over what to feed you or that rash or getting you in bed, trust me, when I tell you that it feels like Christmas everyday, with you around(Erm, Diwali, okay?).

CappuCheenu is here

Posted: July 26, 2017 in Uncategorized

Well, he made his way to this world last August and I am announcing it here after almost 11 months!

It has been the most wonderful 11 months of my life. Exhausting? Yes but in a good way.

First few weeks were spent in a constant blur of feeding and diaper change. Thanks to all the pregnancy hormones gushing through the body, I was such a emotional wreck. Once I burst into tears because I just couldn’t soothe the baby and recovering from C-Section just made me more dependent and that got me really frustrated as well. It took time to nurse him independently. For every nursing session,I needed my mom to get the baby to me or to place the pillows and then again to disassemble all of it once done.

I wish I had known that it was just a phase and things would get better soon.

By the end of second week, the pain subsided. That is when the sun came out and the bandages were ripped out. Ouch!And along with the bandages, slowly but surely, my self-pity hopped and skipped out of the window. Somehow looking at the scar and not the bandage melted most of my apprehensions.

I badly wanted to cling on to every yawn, sleepy smile and babble and devour it but then there hardly seemed to be any time. I had read so much about the first “social” smile and lo behold it happened. While those sleepy smiles always made my heart swell, the first smile

Around the four months mark, I distinctly remember the moment I realized that he was no longer “newborn”. I never knew that my-baby-is-growing thought would hit so soon. During one of our doctor appointments, I happened to see a newborn and remarked, “I don’t even remember him being so tiny!”. Yes, these moments are that fleeting.


Posted: November 11, 2016 in Rants, Uncategorized
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It has been a decade since I moved to Bangalore. This is the longest I have been in any city so far.  Thanks to my dad’s work, we moved around a bit throughout my childhood and never actually settled in one place. I would open up and make few friends and before I realize, it would be time to pack our living and move on. I spent a good part of my teen years in Chennai. Though Chennai is close to my heart, it never felt like home. And even after being there for years together, I hardly know the place and I could hardly ever say “dho da” effortlessly.

Back in 2006, I was this excited but clueless 22-year old. Never did I think I would end up spending a good whole ten years in this place.There are so many ‘firsts’ associated with this place.  This is the very city where I met the dude.  This is where I first started living on my own with friends. That very first home which we still call ours.  Some of the lanes here remind me of the moments that I want to cherish forever. Those certainly are not the highs and lows. But the everyday trivial ones. Sometimes, I fear if these memories would fade away in to the oblivion if I stop revisiting those places.

I often wonder if it is time to call Bangalore home or how many more years it would take. I never had any qualms in being the `outsider` or to be called one.  But at times, I yearn to be a local of `some place`, to know it like the back of my hand, to root for  it. When such sharp pangs of yearning washes over me, I set out to do what I am best that. And that would be planning, obsessing over it like there is no tomorrow and then proceeding on to the grand finale – forgetting it all together. So my Kannada is still rudimentary, my kitchen is yet to be filled with the waft of Bisi Bela Bath and I am yet to shop and dine in older parts of Bangalore.


All is well

Posted: November 3, 2016 in Uncategorized
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Well, that would be me, whispering those three magical words in that rickety old heart of mine. It has been almost two years since I posted anything here. Now that I am finally back, I really have a lot to say. Or so I thought.  The most tricky part of returning after a hiatus is the comeback post – where do you begin? Well, you can’t just start yapping about yesterday or dish out few pearls of wisdom or go on about the vacation you had a year ago.  And my dear non-existent reader, that  is exactly why I took up NaBloPoMo(??!) – to write without a reason, to write about things of past, and to write for myself(and yes, for the stats too.).

Last two years were good. In hindsight, it all seems like one heck of a joyous ride.  There were times when I was deliriously happy. But if I prod my memory a bit, I can clearly recall the days I trudged through the unknown, with trepidation that was based on all stats that I had come across in the internet. At the end, everything turned out well. Looked like all I needed was a bit of assurance, a hug and those three magical words. I will come back and write more on this, eventually.

I certainly missed writing here. What kept me away? To be really honest, it started with plain laziness, then a bit of procrastination and as the wheels of time turned, I didn’t feel the urge.  Well, once again, for the umpteenth time, I hope to be regular on this blog.

The year that just flew by

Posted: January 4, 2015 in Uncategorized
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Well, I might tell this every year but 2014 broke all records, I think. The weeks just faded in a blink and before I knew it was December.  Being a hopeless eternal optimist that I am, I love this feeling of new year, new beginnings, starting with a clean slate and all that. And that is the precise reason why I don’t make any resolution.  This optimism is so sacred that I can’t let it be clouded with retrospection..

While 2014 was kind of the most uneventful year in recent times, here are is a miscellaneous list of moments and events that I want to hold onto –

It was the first day of 2014. We had just moved into our new house. The Bloke and I had spotted few kids around the apartment. They were quite shy in the beginning and then warmed up to us. But I could hardly strike any conversation with them and my broken Kannada just didn’t help. I happened to hand over few brightly colored sweets to them. While the elder ones ate it up with all glee, the youngest didn’t realize what it was. But she was delighted beyond words.  She threw it up in air and caught it. She kicked it, rolled it in mud and showed it to anyone who looked her way.  I am not sure what I felt – amused? happy?. I don’t think she would have been this happy had she popped it in her mouth. Few months later, a similar incident happened with a kid I met while waiting for The Dude. This time, it was a pink cotton candy in an inflated polythene bag.

The Bloke and I went on a trek along with few friends. No, not the kind of treks that last a couple of days or weeks. It took almost four hours to complete. I was quite close to quitting but then somehow I dragged myself to the top. The path was quite jagged with uneven stones and steep slopes and with dried bushes lining the way. As the sun ascended its way up and the temperature soared, I heaved and puffed. This trek kind of evoked mixed emotions in me. While I was happy about having finished, as I came down I couldn’t help noticing the spot where I was about to quit. It was so much close to ground. It wasn’t even one-fourth of the entire distance – probably one-eighth!

The first ever trip to Goa happened. Goa did stump me and it was so different from what I thought it would be and in a good way. Every time I am at the brink of falling in love with a beach, I go through major guilt trip. For a long time, Marina was the only beach I knew. It was the beach that made the sweltering heat more bearable and probably, the happening place in nineties and Sundays never got over without a visit to Marina. I think I was quite furious when I realized that The Bloke didn’t love Marina the way I did.

Well, this is the point at which I get to brag. I think I should hand out the “best baby-sitter” award to myself. The cherry on top was when I made my friend’s kid laugh his heart out. He would stop for a moment and nudge me to redo whatever I was doing to entertain him. Okay, I admit, he is a cheerful baby and anyone could have made him laugh that much. But I still get the award, okay?

And I turned 30 – the official get-your-pap-smear-test-done age and I happened to miss my birthday in transit. While I don’t crib much about my age, I don’t think I believe in all that jazz about age being just a number. That throbbing pain in the neck that i wake up with because I didn’t place the pillow right tells a different tale than what my mind would like to perceive.

ps: Yes, this is my symbolic “I am back” post.

Tu mera hero..

Posted: February 16, 2014 in Uncategorized

/* Disclaimer

Some of my words may sound mustache-ist but that is not my intention. I am not trying to stereotype everyone who has a mustache. When I say mustached or mustache-twisting men, I am referring only to the section of men who foster a false pride in showing their superiority over women and in domination.


The Bloke was at the wheel. He  drummed his fingers and took no effort to hide his impatience. Every other second, he swore. We were held up in a choking traffic and literally, didn’t move even  an inch. As is the norm in this country, a symphony of honks followed but thankfully, the glasses shielded us from the cacophony of sounds outside.  And just then magically, the notes from Roja filled the air. And hanging on to every syllable of the song, I remarked as a matter-of-fact, that how with the release of the movie Aravind Swamy had become a heart-throb.  Back then when this movie was released,  even in the small hamlet, Karaikkudi that lies overshadowed and concealed in the deep south of TamilNadu,   both Arvind Swamy and A.R Rehman created a buzz. Though, I was just too young to comprehend the movie,  the excitement over it and the actor was quite evident to me. The Bloke listened with such an incredulous expression.  “What is so special about him”, he asked.

Initially, I choked at his reaction. I stared and glared at him but then the traffic light turned green and we moved on. And so did our discussion.  But what was so special about Aravind Swamy or rather Rishi?  For a start, he was quite mellow and for once, the Tamil audience were spared of all the mustache-twisting activities  and of machismo overdose.   And for once, neither the leading lady’s tummy was used as a table-top and was left alone. Everything sounds bizarre? But that is how some of the Tamil movies of late 80’s and 90’s were  and as years rolled by and as the horror-struck me, every time I saw a waist, I prayed for it to be left alone. Yes, seriously.

So, you see, AS was that ray  of hope.  And this ray of hope  resurfaced every independence day. And sometimes on republic day as well! But what I liked the most was that he develops just a stubble at the end of the movie and not any twistable-moustache. And I quite liked the way how the leading lady take the reins and literally, carries AS at the end.

Few weeks back, a picture of AS went viral on FB. He looked quite worn out and aged with puffy eyes and double chin. With the charm of his yore lost, he looked just like a shadow of what he used to be. This picture was accompanied with a sarcastic message asking women if they still wanted a husband as charming as AS. Quite apparently,  this was shared, re-shared, liked and re-re-shared  by many of the moustache-twisting and moustache-less men, basically by all men. I saw red. Well, first the picture is a reminder of how atrocious time could be.  The picture is a proof of my twenty-nine minus seven years of existence. See, this is one reason why I like Rajini. In early nineties, when I was seven he was dancing with heroines half his age and now when I am twenty-nine, he is still dancing away to glory. And of course, with women half his age, if anyone cares to know.  He is one permanent fixture.

Anyway, I digress.  Apart from reminding me of my age what actually put me off was the understanding that everybody seemed to lack.  AS had more to him than just looks , I say. Yes, he had that bewitching smile that could bowl anyone over. But, to me AS was significant for what he wasn’t. He wasn’t a sexist. Period.   There I rest my case.

In nineties, every other actor was showing off his self-proclaimed machismo and rested the said machismo in taming the women and in her meekness. AS was different.  He wouldn’t flinch before going on his knees. He didn’t try to conform himself to the much hyped and stereotyped masculinity. It is just a movie, one may say.  One’s life may influence a movie but movies influence the society. There is no denial.