Misplaced pride

Posted: January 10, 2013 in Rants
Tags: ,

It was probably the time when the Satyameva Jayate reality show started. Many men in my lunch group spoke of gender equality, women empowerment, upliftment  and whatnot. I clenched my fists and looked away.  The same men had bragged  about not partaking in household chores and had even gone to the extent of labeling those men who do as “submissive”.  All these men, do treat  women counterparts at workplace equally and do not show any discrimination.

Then why this disparity?

Perhaps it is just that they loathe cooking but they help their spouse in such a way that it balances out? Probably, yes.

What actually irked me more was this misplaced pride in having the upper hand or in being served by the spouse. Instead, had they lauded their wife  for managing so well, I would not have complained.

Why do men consider it below their dignity to help their wives in kitchen?  Though many men agree that women can take up any job,  when it comes to home, there is a invisible demarcation.

All this starts quite early. In most household, though the expectation from both the girl and male child is same, like getting the coveted engineering admission,   the girl child is asked to help at home while the boy is not.  No, I’m not speaking of hours of work but even the easier chore like wiping a table, are not dished out to the male child.

While I was younger and single and hadn’t ventured into cooking, I found myself facing a volley of questions like  “What would you do once you get married” or sometimes, “How will you get married?”!  More often, I was expected to fit into that jar labeled “wife material”.  A toiling wife in kitchen is considered the perfect recipe for marital bliss but if the tables are turned, the chances of the wife being called manipulative and dominating is quite high.

Most men are willing to cook and clean in their bachelorhood days and even probably think it helps in their chances of getting hitched.  Once married , the same men are more than eager to handover the reins to their wives when it comes to household chores.What surprises me more is the way these same men find it embarrassing to admit in public about cooking for their wives!

While charity begins at home, this gender equality begin just after the doorstep!

Why is this, masculine pride so dependent on domination over spouse or on the sense of superiority? Probably that is why there are men, and then there are gentlemen!

ps: All that said, I admit and agree that this applies not to all men but to just that bunch.

  1. I can’t agree more with some of your statements, abt gender equality begins just after doorstep n abt Men n Gentlemen.

    But happy thing is mind sets are honestly changing, my husband for one doesn’t mind helping me out its just tht his inability to cook keeps him away from kitchen, though he tries his best with few things he knows to cook. Even my inlaws don’t mind seeing him contributing to home. He doesn’t expect me to do anything which he also dislikes, or if we both ain’t in mood.

    You knw there is more to it, it’s not just Men or Mothers of such Men who need to change. But we need to be vocal too. I have seen more women than men being at fault, they just don’t ask or involve their better halves, when they try to do something we become over critical tht further discourages them. We need to inculcate habits in them, if it doesn’t come naturally to them. We berate ourselves, we feel guilty of working n not contributing enough to home etc etc.

    So change it is.

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